The Mother Wound

This Saturday, August 25th, I will be teaching a 3-hour workshop called “The Mother Wound”.  This workshop is based upon my own mother wound and my journey toward healing that wound.  The origins of this workshop date back to 2016, when I wrote one blog (different site), and then another because the response to the original post was amazing.  I felt honored that so many women reached out and trusted me enough to share their stories.  For the past 2 1/2 years, I have toyed with the idea of this workshop and due to my own ongoing issues with my mother, and my own healing journey, I decided that NOW was the time.   I will share the blogs here for those who may be interested.  The first was written in February, 2016, and the second in May of the same year.  I hope it may be of help to some to know that they are not alone.

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*February, 2016*

As I write this, I am sitting  in sunny Florida, 2200 miles from my home in cold Massachusetts.  For those who would say how lucky I am to be here, instead of there, I would respond with the fact that I wish to go home.

**The Mother Wound**

I’m  here to take care of my 83 year old mother, touch base with her doctor and set up services for her with Medicaid, which took me seven months to get her approved for.  She is not in good shape physically and it’s my guess that it won’t be long until she is completely immobile.  She has a new diagnosis of early dementia and I see the deterioration in her mind and memory.  I take my responsibilities very seriously and, so , here I am.

I have always believed in my heart that the mother/daughter bond should be a strong one, so when it is not, it is painful, an experience that I know I am not alone in feeling.   Through the years I have always had people who know my mother and then meet me say, “your mother is so wonderful!”.  It’s hard not to respond with “yes, but she is not your mother”.

Do I know how awful this sounds to one’s ears?  Yes, I most certainly do.  However, at best, she was neglectful and had a tendency to abandon me; well, maybe abandon is a harsh word, but that is how I have always seen it.  When something happens to you as a child, you see through the eyes of a child and, sometimes, you always see it through the eyes of the child you once were.  I was given to my grandmother to raise at birth; to me, she was my mother and when she passed through the veil when I was 6-7, I was devastated and here I am so many years later, still wishing she were here.  My mother always told me that my grandmother *took* me; in my heart, I knew better then and  had it confirmed recently that she just really wanted to live her own life unencumbered.  Upon myd grandmother’s death, I did,  finally,  go to live with my mother,  who was separated from my father.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, she was gay (never ever an issue), and we went to live with her partner.  If there were time off from school, I was sent away – this aunt and uncle, then to that aunt, and then to the aunt who took me in for every school vacation for the next six years.  Apparently this aunt knew exactly what was happening and was quite aware that if I were not with her, I would be alone. I don’t know how my cousins felt about my being plopped into their lives for 4 months each year; I was young enough to never think to ask; I hope it was not too burdensome for them.  My mother and her partner traveled, partied, lived their lives. If they had a party, I was to be not seen (after saying hello politely) and definitely not heard.  This was my life.  I was a quiet, shy, introverted child.  I was to never misbehave or speak out of turn.   I will not share some of  the things that I could as they are personal and extremely painful.

For decades now, I have been a daughter of the Goddess; I so love that phrase.  I practice a Goddess based spirituality and honor Her in Her aspects as Maiden, Mother and Crone.  While I am now Crone myself and identify with Her in that form, I still revere Her mostly as Mother.  As I tend to be fairly introspective normally, this visit to my mother has made me even more so.  It has been a difficult visit, which in and of itself is a complete understatement.

My thoughts have run to whether or not I am so drawn to the Goddess as Mother because I have not truly had a mother figure in my life since my grandmother passed.

My observation has been that many adult women have difficult relationships with their mothers and I wonder why that is.  Is it because of some weird competition for some mothers?  Is there some deeper psychological meaning behind it, or is it that some women just should not have children at all?  I am at a loss to define it.    I find it doubly difficult because I do not have this type of relationship with my own daughter.  We are mother-daughter, but we are also friends.

Through the years, when I have spoken to other women who have damaged relationships with their mothers, some severely, I have always thought of this as “the Mother Wound”.  Children, in general, suffer tremendously when they have less-than-perfect relationships with either parent; however, I find that the mother daughter bond, when broken, leaves behind a much deeper hurt, one that is difficult, if not impossible, to overcome later in life.  As the girl-child gets older and more fully realizes the damage that has been done, it can leave a resentment and bitterness that will never leave her.  If she continues to have some type of relationship with the mother, it often remains  difficult.  If the adult daughter tries to confront and discuss the past, she may find herself rebuffed or downright disbelieved.  I have found this to be true for other women who have shared their stories with me and I know it is true with me; my mother has always been the queen of spin.

The Mother Wound strikes deep, and it strikes hard.  Fortunate is the woman who does not let it affect her relations with her own children, if she has them.  Lucky is the woman who realizes where the damage comes from and attempts to heal her damaged heart and spirit.

This, I believe, is why I, personally, turn to the Goddess as Mother in times of grief and  troubled times, why I go to Her for comfort.  Unlike my mother-on-earth, the Goddess is always there for me,  for guidance, help and direction.  All I need do is open my heart and listen to what she has to say to me.   I have never known  Her to let me down.

First Force of all Creation, To You I Bow                                                                                                        Divine Force Everywhere, To You I Bow                                                                                                     Creative Force, Primal Force, To You I Bow                                                                                              Rising Up, Divine Mother, To You I Bow                                                                                                          ~~ Nirinjan Kaur, “Adi Shakti”

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*May 2016*

I have been amazed, honored and humbled by the response that I have received.  Women freely came forward to share their own stories, some in detail, some not so much.  What is extremely apparent is that I am not alone in carrying this Mother Wound.  Many women carry this wound.  The question then becomes “how do we heal this wound”?

As I have mentioned previously, I am very introspective; some might say too introspective.  To those some, I would say, everyone is different in how they approach life.  My introspection comes from a deep need to know, to understand.  I have discussed my Mother Wound with a couple of close friends through the years; my husband, whom I assume would prefer not to hear about it anymore, and various therapists throughout my adult life.  I am particularly fond of my current therapist and, since I have now returned home, will most likely talk her ear off at our next appointment.

With all of this talking, I do know one thing – it does not necessarily heal the wound.  It can, and does, numb the pain for a certain amount of time, but the pain always comes back with any renewed contact or any reminder of what has gone on before.

Some women choose to cut off all contact with her mother; some continue to have some type of relationship, I think, maybe in hopes that things will somehow, someway, improve.  My experience tells me it does not improve.  Sometimes, it worsens.

However we choose, personally, to deal with it, it just adds to the pain.  If you cut off all contact, there is always someone, somewhere, who will tell you that not only are you wrong, but they will tell you in detail *why* you are wrong, as if they have lived through your experiences.  Sometimes, even if you do maintain contact, there will be those who think they know your life and your experiences better than you do yourself and this is why you should do x, y or z.

If we choose to maintain contact, the pain will just continue as you both get older.  Yes, absolutely, we make our own choices in how we live our lives, what type of person we wish to be and no, we should not let things in our past dictate our present or our future.  That being said, for some, maintaining contact while allowing the distant past to fall away,  just brings new opportunities for the hurt to be compounded.  This has been my personal experience.  The things that have been said, done throughout my adult life right up to the present have just added to the hurt, making it even harder to heal from the past.   Then there is always the guilt that accompanies and exacerbates the pain.  My own mother is now in her early 80’s, with a fairly new dementia diagnosis.  Her memory is failing, so having any type of discussion with her about any issues between the two of us would be an exercise in futility.   I am sure that when she passes through the veil, the guilt will be just another part of the story that I will have to deal with.  Each of us has our own continuing story. Each of us makes the decision that is right for us.  No one else has that right.

So, how do we heal?   Can we heal?  As mentioned, there is therapy, just talking it out.  At best, I think that is just a bandaid, if contact is maintained.   Having my own children was somewhat healing; for various reasons, I have never told my son many of the stories surrounding my relationship with my mother; I have told my daughter.  She reinforces for me that mothers and daughters can have strong, healthy relationships.  For me, as I mentioned in the last article,  there is my spirituality.  The Goddess  fills a void left by my living mother.  Meditation is a good way of  dealing with the pain.  As a yoga and meditation teacher, I have found that deep meditation brings out deep, intense feelings.  This is not for everyone, as it means going even deeper, which tends to lead to more emotional pain; even with my love of meditation, there have been times I have shied away from this particular journey  toward healing.  I am also a certified Reiki healer and I have done some extensive chakra work.  These also are good self-healing techniques.  I would also highly recommend a couple of books by Diane Stein – “All Women Are Healers” and “The Women’s Healing Book”.

The fact is not lost on me, that as I am writing of different techniques for healing ourselves, it is apparent that I have not fully healed.  I get that.  I may never  heal completely, although that will not stop me from trying.  This is what I wish for all women –  and men, too, that may be carrying this wound  from either parent – do your best to heal, know that no matter what has been said to you or done to you, that you are a worthwhile person, and that you are not defined by the Mother Wound that you carry.  You define you.  Blessings and love on the journey.

August 2018 Mystical Shores Newsletter

It is hard to believe that we are already halfway through the summer.  I hope you have all been able to put aside some of your duties and responsibilities and enjoy all the fun that summer has to offer.

Mystical Shores has two workshop offerings this month.

The first is “Prana – Your Breath, Your Life” on Sunday evening, August 19 from 6:00-8:00 PM.  You will learn several different Kundalini Yoga breath techniques to benefit your life.  Please dress comfortably, bring a yoga mat, a pillow, coverup and water to stay hydrated.

The second offering is “The Mother Wound”, to be held on Saturday, August 25 from 11:00 AM – 2:00 PM.  This will be a step on the healing journey for anyone who has been affected by the physical and/or emotional trauma inflicted by their maternal figures.  We will connect, talk, cry, bond, journal and meditate our way toward healing.  Please dress comfortably, bring a yoga mat or blanket to sit on, a pillow may be helpful, and a journal/pen.

Looking forward to September, there will be an Introductory workshop to Kundalini Yoga and Meditation, beginning regular weekly classes the following week.  September will also bring the Mystical Shores Fall Equinox Red Tent.  More details to follow in the September Newsletter.

I am also proud and honored to be a part of the Southeastern Mass Pagan Pride  Day, where I will have an all day Red Tent on September 9th.

There are also some new offerings in the works – a monthly Women’s Sovereignty Circle and a *Fierce Heart* group – keep an eye on the website for updates.

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Our Goddess for August (from Amy Sophia Marashinsky’s The Goddess Oracle) is the Egyptian Goddess Nut, the Goddess of the Night Sky.  Nut tells us to keep some mystery in our lives, to not get so locked up in what we *should* do, trying to control every aspect of everything.  Loosen up a little bit, explore, find and embrace the mysteries of life.

Our Inner Mermaid tells us to “Make a  Wish” (from Doreen Virtue’s Magical Mermaid and Dolphins).  Let your deepest wishes come to the surface, imagine them to be true and wait for them to manifest.  Life is magic and Magic is Life.  Never let your wishes die.

Our August crystal is Moldavite, for cosmic connection and vibration.  Use it in conjunction with your wish manifestation and to search the cosmos for mystery, and allow your perception to expand.

Lastly, always remember who and what you are – strong, powerful, courageous, able to deal with any obstacle.  Dream big and make those wishes come true.

Goddess Bless!

 

 

Mystical Shores Newsletter, May 2018

Mystical Shores will be wrapping up this June for a much-needed summer break, with a trip to FL, which is both duty and, hopefully, pleasure – a trip for thought, contemplation, meditation and self-care.

We are currently in the midst of our 7-week Kundalini Yoga/Meditation Chakra course.  Due to some health issues, class has been stalled these past 4 weeks but will continue tomorrow evening, Monday, May 28 (yes, even though it is Memorial Day).  We will be picking up with the 3rd chakra.

Coming up on Sunday, June 24th from 12:00 – 4:00 PM is our Summer Solstice Red Tent.  While many of the activities are still being formulated, I am exited to announce that, due to the talents of Paul Bagge of While Wolf Dancing, we will be having a labyrinth in the yard behind the Center.  Also, for the first time, childcare will be available for an additional donation.

 

Starting in September, 2018, Mystical Shores will be starting to take personal clients as a Women’s Empowerment Coach.  This will be available both in person in Southern MA/RI and via Skype or Facetime.    Call me at 508-561-4229 or email me at MysticalShores@gmail.com for questions or to schedule an appointment.                              

Wishing you all a fun, safe summer, filled with perfect weather!! (Here’s hoping!)

Bendithion/Blessings!

 

Mystical Shores April 2018 Newsletter

Welcome to April’s Newsletter.  Spring is officially here, but not really here in the Northeast where we have been hit with 4 nor’easters in the past month.  Snow, rain, wind, thousands without power, but I am hopeful that we are now on the right path toward Spring weather.

I have just finished up the 4-week Kundalini Yoga for Body Acceptance series.

Staring this Monday, 4/2 at 7:00 PM at White Wolf Dancing Holistic Healing and Energy Center in Norton, MA, I will be starting a 7-week series of Kundalini Yoga for the Chakras.  This is one of my favorite series to teach.

Also, I am going to be finally taking clients as a Women’s Empowerment Coach.  I am also available to run workshops/classes, using the Imagine A Woman poem as our base starting point.

            

 

April’s Goddess from Amy Sophia Marchinsky’s Goddess Oracle is NUT.

Reach for me

touch me

I am always beyond your grasp

Don’t try to figure me out

for you can’t

I am the ever-present unfathomable unknown

I am the immensity of the star-filled sky

I am beyond human comprehension

In the vastness of my being

I am a mystery

even to myself

 

As the Egyptian Goddess of the Night Sky, Nut is here to remind you to hold yourself open to the mystery and vastness of your life.  Don’t plan every little thing; leave room for mystery, the unknowing future.  As you go about your daily life, don’t allow yourself to be so regimented, so stressed, so planned, the the fun, surprise part of life passes you by.  Trust yourself, your intuition, to know what you need on this life’s journey.

SAVE THE DATE: June 24th – Summer Solstice Red Tent – more details to follow.

May the Spring breezes bless you and send your their bounty. (Graphic by mysacredcycle.com)

 

Mystical Shores March 2018 Newsletter

MYSTICAL SHORES NEWSLETTER
MARCH 2018

HELLO Welcome to the March, 2018 edition of the Mystical Shores Newsletter. I apologize for the absence of both newsletters and classes recently. A personal family emergency called my out of state for a while.

But, now I am back and so excited about the upcoming classes and workshops, all to be held at White Wolf Dancing Holistic Healing and Health Center. Click here for the Facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/whitewolfdancing/

First up, beginning Monday, March 5th is Kundalini Yoga for Body Acceptance, based on the book, “The Body Temple” by Ramdesh Kaur.
Class will begin at 7:30 PM. The 4-week series is $55 and walk-ins are $15. Dress comfortably, bring a mat, a pillow and a light blanket. I would love to see you there! (This will be followed in April with a 7- week Chakra series – details to come.)

March 5, 2018 - KYAM For Body Acceptance Begins

 

On Sunday, March 11, at 12:00 to 3:00, will be our Spring Red Tent. Details are not yet finalized but it will be a lovely day of women, sharing, connecting, bonding. At our last Red Tent, we decided to hold these more often and hope to build a beautiful community of women.

Also, mark your calendars for June 24th when we will have our Summer Solstice Red Tent. Details will be forthcoming in a future newsletter.

 

On Saturday, March 24th from 11:30 AM to 1:30 PM, will be the next in our series of Goddess Spirituality workshops. This one will be on Isis, the Egyptian Goddess. I have a few things in mind for this workshop, so don’t miss it. We need to reclaim Her name. Also, I will have a few copies of my children’s book, “My Name is Isis, the Egyptian Goddess”, which is one in the “My Name is……..” series by The Girl God Publications. It is also available on Amazon.  Also, while the flier says the cost is $35, the cost is by donation of at least $15.

 

CARDS FOR MARCH

Our randomly pulled divination cards for this month surprised me.

From The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky, we have Eostre, who represents Growth. Eostre is a Goddess of fertility and Spring. She symbolizes re-birth.

With the Spring Equinox coming up on March 20th, this is the time for us to plant new seeds for ourselves. What do we wish to manifest? Is there something that has always interested you, but you never took the plunge to take a class or workshop? Now is the time to do that. What is it that you desire? Think about it and then, if you wish, buy a small plant and charge it with your intention of what you wish to grow this Spring. Keep in your mind what it is you wish, holding the plant all the while. When you are done, put the plant in a spot where you will see it each day as a reminder of your Springtime intent.

The next card is from Doreen Virtue’s Magical Mermaid and Dolphins. Even though this is an older deck, it was a fairly recent deck for me. Almost as soon as I got it, I began to start reading all of these articles regarding Ms. Virtue’s conversion to Christianity and her dismissal of all of her previous work. I had decided to not even open the deck, until I heard words of wisdom from a Mermaid friend, suggesting that I keep it and work and she was right. While Ms. Virtue’s path may have changed, the wisdom in her work has not.

So, from this deck we have “Watch Your Thoughts” – “It’s important to only think about what you desire, not what you fear.” To me, this has two meanings. It fits in with the intention that you wish to bloom this Spring and with which you have charged your plant. It also can be a suggestion to us to be more careful with how and what we think; to try and keep ourselves as positive as possible. Dwelling on our worries and our fears deep in our unconscious can subliminally keep our focus on the negative when what we should be doing is going forward with manifesting our goals.

That is all for this March newsletter. I hope to see some of you in a class or workshop.

Happy Spring!

Susan Morgaine

Mystical Shores Newsletter, 10/17

MYSTICAL SHORES
NEWSLETTER
OCTOBER 15, 2017

 

Welcome to Mystical Shores’ first newsletter!

I am very excited to announce my book, “My Name is Isis”, one in the “My Name Is…….” series of books presented by Girl God Publications. The order/pre-order link is: http://www.thegirlgod.com/isis.php

 

 

 

I am happy to announce that I will be continuing to teach Kundalini Yoga at White Wolf, as well as adding Goddess Spirituality classes, and will be continuing to Priestess Red Tents. I am grateful to Jamie for her continued confidence in me.

 

The current session of Kundalini Yoga & Meditation at White Wolf Dancing Holistic Healing and Energy Center will end on Monday, October 30th, just in time for everyone to enjoy their Halloween/Samhain holiday.

 

The next session will start on Monday, November 6th at 7:30, this one specifically geared to the theme of “Helping to Manage Anxiety” and will be a 4 week session, instead of 6. The last class will be on Monday, November 27th.

 

 

Saturday, October 21st at 11:00, will be the first of the Goddess Spirituality classes. This one will be, appropriately enough, on Hecate, Queen of the Witches, Goddess Guardian of the Crossroads.

 

December 10th at Noon will mark our second Red Tent at White Wolf. This one will be all about taking time for ourselves within the busy-ness of the season. We will watch the DVD, “Things We Don’t Talk About”, a movie about the Red Tent Temple. We will give ourselves facials, talk and enjoy each other in this Sacred Circle of Women.

 

Upcoming Events:

Goddess Spirituality Classes:
January – Isis, The Egyptian Goddess
March – Shakti, The Creative Primal Source

Kundalini Yoga & Meditation:
January – Kundalini Yoga for Body
Acceptance (4 week session)
March – Kundalini Yoga for the Chakras
(7 week session)

Red Tent – June 14th

Until the next Newsletter, have a happy halloween, an insightful Samhain and the blessings of the Goddess each day!

Susan Morgaine
)O(

 

 

Women & Goddess Meditation

(Previously Published on PaganPages.org)

 

It is an understatement to say that life for women is stressful.  

Every day, we are called upon to play different roles in our lives.  We are over-worked, over-stressed, pulled in ten different directions.  Everyone makes demands on our time, simply because we are women and it is *expected* of us.  As women, we also learn very quickly that the world is a dangerous place for us, simply because of our gender.

Daily, we experience a constant barrage of thoughts from without and within our own minds.  This is called “monkey mind”, the constant chatter to which we listen and, once again, as women, it has more of a tendency to be negative and directed toward ourselves.

Women are the healers of the world; the nurturers, the caretakers.  Unfortunately, we neglect to take care of ourselves.  We go un-nurtured by the most important person in our lives – our own being.   This needs to change.

Women are special and we have a unique perspective on the world that is not shared by men.  We are ten times stronger intuitively than males.  We are more in tune with our emotions, thoughts and feelings.  We tend to forget that we are also powerful in ways that men are not.

Meditation can help us in all areas of our lives.  It will help us to clear our thoughts.  It brings clarity, it calms our nerves and helps us to eliminate the negative thoughts and feelings that we wish to rid ourselves of.   As with any other spiritual path, it is a way of training our mind; and as such, it is not an easy or quick journey.

As a long-time teacher of Kundalini Yoga and Meditation, as well as a Goddess-based Witch & Priestess, I tend to bring the Goddess into my meditation practice.  

Ideally, you should have a designated place in which to meditate, set up with a small altar, incense, a candle, a representation of the Goddess of your choice.  I change my Goddess altar depending upon my need.  For music, find something that speaks to your spirit, or a Goddess meditation.  

Let this be your time to nurture and take care of yourself.  This is your special time in a place of serenity.   The following can get you started with a beautiful and meaningful meditation practice.

Your candles are lit, incense wafting through the room.  Sit comfortably in easy pose, cross-legged on the floor.  If you are unable to sit on the floor, a straight-backed chair works well.  You want to be comfortable, but it is important that the spine be straight.   

You want to center yourself, to be in that moment, in that time, in that place.   Bring your hands into prayer position at your chest, or you may simply rest your hands on your knees.  Close your eyes and gently roll them up so that they are focused upon your third eye, that space between your eyebrows in the middle of your forehead.   Begin to slowly and deeply inhale and exhale.  Take your time, don’t rush through it.  Really feel each breath;  on your breath.   Breath = Prana = Life     Now, with each inhale, bring into your body a sense of peace, a sense of calm.  Let it infuse your entire being, beginning with the heart chakra and working outward.  With each exhale, release any stress, tension or negativity you are holding within your body, even that of which you may not even be consciously aware.  Allow yourself to let it go.  

If you are sitting with a particular Goddess, focus on Her and her attributes, things you might wish to bring into your life, or that which you may need Her help with.

You can continue this for as long as you are comfortable.  If unwanted thoughts come calling, gently push them away and continue with the breath.   The goal is to feel peaceful, stress-free.  When you are finished, take several deep breaths while stretching your arms up to the skies.   Be sure to thank the Goddess for her presence within your meditation.

One of my favorite Goddess songs to meditate to is called “Adi Shakti”:    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgTK1F677ig&index=1&list=PL_dIya2JbVnTkujuSpjPc-hZV6LbKSnTX

You can also try www.goddesshealing.com for some lovely Goddess Meditations by Mary Marzo, and www.spiritvoygage.com for Goddess-oriented meditation music, including the afore-mentioned “Adi Shakti”.  There is some lovely Goddess music/chants out there.  A quick YouTube search will bring up many from which you can choose.  You can also check out Kellianna, or Jenna Greene.

I wish you joy and happiness in your meditation journey.  Please do not hesitate to contact me at MysticalShores@gmail.com if you have any questions.  I would be more than happy to help.

Blessings

)O(

A Moon Poem

A MOON POEM

By Susan Morgaine

She walks amidst the

shadows of the night,
the radiance of the moon
her only light

She reaches the place
where the waters meet the shore
Feeling the power
deep in her core

She looks up to the moon,
a wonder to behold
its’ energy calls out to her
reaching her very soul

Her arms slowly rise up,
breath coming slow, but steady
She stands between sea and stars
until the moment she is ready

With one last movement,
her arms fall,
drawing down the moon into herself
answering the Goddess’ call